Inspire

I have a quest in life. It is not to be the man with the most money. Nor is it to be a movie star or President. Neither is it to be a Pulitzer Prize winner or even an astronaut. However, there is nothing wrong with these occupations, accolades, and achievements.

My life came from such a low place. I LIVED MISERY! Misery that the written word nor the world's most accomplished orator could depict. My depression and anxiety bore misery and pure suffering. So much so, that the mental turmoil created physical pain. I would lie down and rock from the pain in my joints. My nail beds would throb from the weight of my nails pressing upon them. My hair folicals would feel like pins and needles piercing through my skin. The pain was everywhere.

Days would pass, and getting out of bed was not possible. I would awake, and the misery was so bad I would run for my bottle of pills for further relief. Relief that could only be found while asleep. Having lost control of my thoughts, my emotions, my ability to reason, my ability to smile, (that's correct, I was physically unable to smile by choice or otherwise) I was often only able to survive while sedated and medicated.

Years flew by and day after day, I prayed to God to end my life. Several times I had planned ways to end my own life. I was stopped only by the thought of my three year old daughter having to live her life without a father. I am aware every day that my three year old daughter saved my life more than once.

Let it be known that I was so ill, that LIFE was gone. During this tremendously dark period LIFE STOPPED. It was not worth living. Darkness so cold, so heavy, so crushing and smothering that I still fear a return.

However terrible the misery, it was a pivotal experience in my life. An experience to CHANGE THE WORLD. An experience of CHOICE. An experience of COURAGE and POWER. And it was an experience of STRENGTH and TEMPERANCE. It was an experience for my benefit throughout eternity.

After years of trials and searching for a remedy, there came a day when a Medication was found that would alleviate my illness. This was followed by the discovery of an additional illness three years later that had been further complicating my fragile condition. The point is this: There were a series of events and decisions, of trials and failures leading up to my recovery. This recovery was not quick, it took years. My mettle was tested, my character was tested, my courage and dedication were tested. And each day I reached to God.

Each day required unfortold courage and dedication to survive. As I recovered, each day became easier and I found new ways to find happiness and joy in living again. As the scriptures say, "what was lost, now is found". The recovery of such a dismal illness and overcoming the theif who is depression brought about new perspectives that certainly would not have been evident without such suffering. I realized that one of the qualities I wanted for my life was to inspire others and to be inspired by other's triumphs.

My definition of inspiration is "Creating the Extraordinary from the Ordinary". This is one of the tenants that I try to live my life by. The tenant of "making the ordinary, extraordinary". I want my life to be extraordinary. Extraordinary to my measure only. Not extraordinary as compared to anyone else's life. Truly extraordinary, as compared to my life and only measurable to my own standards. I am striving for that. I am not there yet. But every day I take an additional step closer. That is the measure, from one day to the next. Every day is anew and full of opportunity.

IRONMAN
© Copyright Ryan Robert Schopke, May 7, 2006